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This post is about my guy. No, I'm not gonna write on how we met and stuff. I'll write a mixture of everything.

The last series which Vicky has written is dedicated to me. [ Blush Blush :$ ] After reading the first part, I was like 'awwwww soooo sweet'. Strangely, we were not seeing each other when he started this series. He had told me that very shortly he'd write something for me. When he posted the 1st Episode, I had an inking that this is me. Later on, he would discuss every minute detail with me, on everything about me. As the series progressed, our love was also moving, actually jumping steps ahead. :)

There are certain things which happen in every love story, which is happening with us too. We fight like hell, well not everyday but yes may be every 15 days :P . Whenever we fight, I always decide on not receiving his call, come what may! But, the moment I see his name flashing on my cell's screen, I'm like - "Ooohhhhh… I can't live without talking to my baby". There's silence for at least 5-7 minutes after receiving the call. Then again fighting, which follows by 'coochi cooing'.

Know what baby? I really don't like some habits of yours. Like, I keep talking until my throat pains and you quietly and patiently listen to me. It so irritates me. But then, I like the way you say "Aisaaaa, Achaaaa, Hmmmmm, Uummmmm, Fir Fir" and so much more which obviously I don't want to mention here. ;) And of-course, I LOVE the way you care for me. It happens in every relationship but still. The way you take care of me when I'm unwell; the way you make me laugh when I'm sad or in bad mood; the way you make me understand when I'm confused; the way you make me feel extremely special; the way you wake me up from sleep; the way we call each other by those shweet shweet names. Every breathe you take makes me feel that it's for me and me only. And, how could I forget to mention that we love pulling each others legs. :D The first thing I want in the morning after I wake up is you. I go to bed thinking about you. In my dreams I see you and you only. Every fraction of second has your memory and love in it. When I eat your favorite food, I feel so elated as if you have cooked, specially for me.

I guess there's only one similarity between us but many dissimilarities. The similarity is that both of us are introverts but when it comes to you, I'm a complete extrovert. I'm always in a hurry about everything but you take your own sweet time no matter what the conditions are :@ . I'm very impatient and you're the opposite of it. I'm quiet short tempered and you are the calmer one. I'm the talkative one (with you only) but you hardly talk. The list is endless. But, as we all know, opposites attract. May be that's the reason of us being so much in love.

After all the love and praise, I want to tell you something and that is, tell me things directly rather than indirectly at times. I don't understand, you see. Or rather, I want to hear directly from you. But anyways, I love you a lot, no matter what.

LOVE YOU LOTS … MMMMMMWWWAHHHH.. [ HEART ] .

Now, that does attract a lot of raised-eyebrows. 'Dude, why do you give her so much importance? Is something brewing?' What a bunch of idiots. It's just biological that I'm more open with girls. I mean, every person on earth is more comfortable with the opposite sex. Among pals of same gender, there's always a barrier, some sort of uneasiness. At some level, they are your competitor. You feel insecure. But with the opposite gender, there's no such hassle. You're always more caring and gentle towards the opposite sex. When you are down and need someone to be beside you, it's them who'll give you more comfort.

Lemme give one case. A guy can't cry in front of another guy 'coz that's considered lame among guys. But he can cry his heart out in the presence of his female friend, 'coz she won't look down upon him for this. Instead, she will lend him a shoulder. Now, who's supposed to be closer to you? One who joins you when you're happy or the one who's beside you when you're sad? Obviously it's the latter.

Similarly, when a girl really needs some advice or help, can she really depend on another girl? Being totally honest, girls dislike helping each other. Even best of friends think twice before helping the other. There's always some jealousy burning between any two girls. But it's just the opposite with guys. Girls can always look upto a guy friend for help or advice. Helping 'damsel in distress' is like top priority for most guys. And as they say - 'A friend in need is a friend indeed'.

There's really a very very thin line between friendship and love. They often change into each other and are indistinguishable. I mean, picture this. There's someone with whom you are most comfortable. You want to share everything under the sun with him / her. There comes a time when your days seem incomplete if you can't talk to him / her. What's that? Of course you love your friend. What's a relationship where there's no love? But are you in love with your friend? I mean, the love which prompts you to get married. Can you spend your life with this friend? Of Course. But are you thinking about marriage? No. It's really very complicated but you don't give it much thought. All that matters is that you are happy with your friend.

Maybe I donno what's love and what's friendship. For me, they are literally inseparable. Listen to this - "She's my friend but I don't love her" or "I love him but he's not my friend". Sounds funny / uncanny, huh? My gal friends are more close to me than guys. Some people think of it as my weakness; that I wear my heart on my sleeves. I can't help but pray for them.

Lemme know about your views on this matter. Leave a comment.

I brew a cup tea for myself. Itz cold outside. The California weather, I'm in love with it even though it makes me dress in layers. Umm..the tea, the taste of tea. I no longer relish the taste of tea that I used to like sometime back. He likes his tea to be very light with very little sugar. It reminds me of milk-coffee we used to have as kids at granny's home. Milk-coffee is coffee with lots of milk. Prepared mainly yielding to the tantrums of kids for wanting to do things on par with elders. The taste of my tea has changed, the world outside has also changed for me.

Being in love, is altogether a different feeling. As I sit sipping tea, I think of last one month. So much has changed and yet so much has remained the same. There is still a tinge of mehndi on my feet. Reminding me that I'm married now. I say to myself, "Time flies so fast". I think of him. I can see him more clearly than ever before. Earlier he used to look different to me every time I looked at him. Now, I know his face, his expressions. I smile thinking, if I hadn't married him I would have missed out on one of the few best men in the world. In him I find a father, mother, mentor, husband, lover and a friend. Sometimes I can see all of them together in him and depending on the situation I see any one them.

He has come up with many more names for me - Dummi, Dephi, Dabali, all meaning fatso. Hahaha. :p He calls me so more out of love than because I'm little fat. I can say that because he keeps watch on if I'm eating well or not. He treats me like his child most of the times. Remember that morning when I was sick with splitting headache and he didn't wake me up that morning though he had to leave very early. In half sleep I murmured, "I want tablet. Headache". He came to me with a glass of water and made me take the tablets. I was slowly drifting to sleep when I heard his hurried footsteps towards the door. I realized he was late. Waking up very late that day, I found a glass of tea and a bowl of cereal on the kitchen slab. My eyes were moist when I had the tea till its last sip.

I love his laughter. He laughs with his heart out. Makes loud sound, showing all his teeth. I must say he takes very good care of his teeth. He has 2-3 toothbrushes! He uses floss and mouthwash regularly. When he tells me, "You miss brushing at night many times and you don't use mouthwash", he sounds like a concerned parent. When he teaches me how to cook food and then how to taste it to check on it, he sounds like a teacher. When he gets irritated because I made him wait for long while shopping, he sounds like typical husband. When he enjoys giving in to my romantic overtures like candle-night dinner, moonlight dinner or tea on the grass by fountain side, he is like my dream lover. When I cry over his shoulder on some matter, he listens to me and consoles me like a friend, a true and dear friend. Of course for each of his roles, I can give more than one instances.

I'm done with my tea. I hear someone pinging on gtalk. Oh! It's him inquiring what I'm doing. Now this is an instance of all-in-one role of him!

There's Shilpa Shetty who sacrifices her career to take care of her family post marriage, lives through a breaking marriage, can't accept Shiney as she's a 'PatiBrata Nari'. Towards the climax - she continues to live with KayKay when he returns even though earlier he had deserted her on learning about Shiney. Now com'on - don't say that "That's the real strength of Women. Forgiveness". I see it as weakness. The husband has an extra-marital affair for years, asks for forgiveness when caught, but can't accept her wife straying for a few weeks, deserts her and lives with his muse. But when he returns - dejected - she accepts him. Wow. Why can't she just return him the treatment he bestowed upon her a few days ago, slap him hard across the face and move on? NO. She's an Indian PatiBrata nari. What image does this portray? Men can indulge in adultery anytime they please and get away with it while it's forbidden fruit for women.

If WCD is pleased with my views so far, they are gonna hate me for my next observation. Kangana Ranaut. Sorry to say, but she doesn't generate tiniest sympathy in my heart. Her character was meant to be treated the way she is. 1st of all, she engages an already married man - that too her boss - obviously for professional gains. It's clear as they had agreed at the start that "There won't be any emotional attachments in this relationship". That said, she can't claim that she was in love with him. Their first confrontation scene [after which Kangana attempts suicide] has got some harsh reactions from female viewers, most of them wanting to slap KayKay's character. But I beg to differ. I somehow support KayKay's reaction at that instant, though I loath his actions throughout the movie. He's surely a creep and deserves curses flying his way. But Kangana's character is bigger monster than his. What he said at that moment brings out darker side of Kangana than his. What the hell was she asking him to do? Break his marriage and live with her? KayKay rightfully rejected such possibilities as they didn't set out for that. Then there was this issue of who's using whome? For a moment forget that U have to support your 'sisterhood' and analyze that situation. She wasn't fooled into this. They both were just sharing a physical relationship with no attachments as agreed. If she felt she was being used, why the hell did she consent to it? And, if that's "Use" - then Kangana was using him as much as he was. Moreover, she was enjoying business class flight, perks, out of term promotions et al professional gains. More "Use". So, really - who was using whome?

And plz don't repeat her dialouge "I wouldn't have attempted suicide if money was everything". What...!! What's she trying to say? That she loves him? Baaah. Listen to what one of my site visitors [a gal at that] has got to say about such steps -

gals don't attempt suicide [slice their wrist et al] for the guy..they do it for themselves..
when the guy walks away....the moral of the gal goes down.. the suicide attempt and all has to do with coping with their lost self esteem ..their ego.. they loose their personal worth when they don't manage to get what they want. and then the desperation is not exactly to win back the guy..but to win back the lost self esteem.. u see, it is not abt the guy.. usually girls never like such guys.... its all to do with pleasing their own ego.. girls actually don't care abt such guys.. they just look at it as an opportunity to judge their worth with the opposite sex..

Read more of it here.

Huh. Now that the bitter truth is out, what have u got to say to that? I know most gals won't agree to this but deep down inside, they know this is true. I welcome reader views on this. Lemme know what's your point of view on this. Do drop your comments.

Mini:	hi again! the other day I just read what u had to say abt girls liking spoilt guys.. and like the rest of my girl community..I too had a few thoughts abt it..
Me:	k. So, what's your take on it?
Mini:	well..there is a reason y girls like such guys.. it's not because they see their future life partners in such guys.
Me:	I never said gals marry such guys. When it comes marriage - 'Nice Rich Guys' are still the favorite. 'Bad Guys' are kool for dating.
Mini:	u see, most girls will not accept it.. but more often than not we r always trying to impress the opposite sex.. and bad guys kind of are a challenge.. its like..if I can make this guy fall for me..or steal this guy away.. then I can make any guy fall for me.. kind of attitude..
Me:	Wow, that point didn't occur to me. :#
Mini:	u see..girls also kind of use the "kool" guy to boost their own self esteem we all like to feel good abt ourselves right..? :$ and when this guy walks away..the opposite happens.. the moral goes down.. and then the desperation is not exactly to win back the guy.. but to win back the lost self esteem.. u see it is not abt the guy or how cool he is.. usually girls never like such guys.... its all to do with pleasing their own ego.. so girls actually dont care abt such guys.. they just look at it as an opportunity to judge their worth with the opposite sex.. I hope I am making sense here..
Me:	Well, that's certainly one large chunk of gals' attitude. But I do know lotsa gals who fell for all wrong guys, though several nice guys were ready to die for them.
Mini:	there are exceptions.. but more or less..somewhere deep within most girls have this desire to find out how good or how bad they are at getting a guy who is difficult to get.. well..u dont get it.. the girl hasnt exactly fallen for this guy.. she is just testing her worth with him.. do I make sense?
Me:	I guess both guys n gals like to indulge in something that is hard to get.
Mini:	yes..that is human nature u see..
Me:	I got your point. But that's not universal. Those were actually in love with them. Crying in loneliness, wrist slicing - I've seen them doing these.
Mini:	thats what u think..but trust me..u r far from the truth its all to do with coping with thier lost self esteem ..their ego.. they loose their personal worth when they dont manage to get what they want.. its not specific to this guy.. look at it as a job left undone.. failure in a particular project that was critical to the client and u being responsible for it.. wouldnt u bury ur head in shame..its the same case. they dont slice their wrist for the guy..they slice it for themselves.
Me:	wow, :o u talk 'Uber Kool'. U argue well.
Mini:	I am not arguing.. I am just letting u see things in a different perspective.. else u would never understand girls ;-)
Me:	by argument - I didn't mean two people up in arms against each other argument as in - knowledge imparting.
Mini:	and u know what..its not that girls fall for money.. for them money is just as important as it is for any guy..or any human being.. but some relate money to success.. if u are able to earn a decent living u have discipline in life.. u r worth trusting.. then u r a safe guy to date.. but if u r not worried abt ur future..and dont care abt a job..and would rather live in rags.. then how would a girl think of a future with u.. its not abt money..its about security
Me:	What kind of logic is that ---? Rich guys are Disciplined, trust worthy, safe.?
Mini:	Yes
Me:	Aren't rich guys spoilt, arrogant and use gals as toys?
Mini:	safe as in..they can think of some future in the relationship I think that point i made it clear previously..
Me:	Future as in 'Holiday in Switzerland' future?
Mini:	future as in a comfortable living .. not a holiday in Switzerland..but atleast a trip to Goa. maybe manali..once a yr..
Me:	My point is 'The 1st thing that a gal looks for while dating or marrying a guy is - MONEY' How much does he earn? Will he be able to give me all heavenly comforts?
Mini:	well... :p ..again u r wrong boss.. first thing they look for is some basic compatibility..then they look for the money.. as in money relates to how successful the person is on his own.. if he has a full time job..is educated enuf.. then why not go for the guy..
Me:	compatibility - who cares? not gals. all they see is money.
Mini:	money relates to stability..not materialistic pleasures.. :D :D :D .. u will be surprised to know the truth..
Me:	how else do one explain awesome beautiful gals hanging out with total fat-ass rich dorks?
Mini:	I told u right.. it boosts their self esteem.. to make a rich guy fall for her.. then she is sure that she can get the guy she wants.. she gets confidence.. the girl is usually not at all interested in the guy
Me:	Forget dating. I'm talking about marrige here.
Mini:	marriage ..again..itd a very crucial thing.. many people get married for different reasons... usually its the guys who marry for money (dowry) so dont blame the girl for choosing a rich guy if her dad is willing to pay to buy her a hubby..why not she go for the richest one
Me:	I think dowry is no longer existing in our society. even if it is, it's gonna be wiped out soon. but, gals n family hunting for the lion is not gonna end ever.
Mini:	well.again u think wrong.. One of my colleagues..k=just got engaged... and the engagement was sealed with her dad paying 2 lakhs in advance.. now she is a well earning s/w engineer.. i am talking abt people who have education and who know dowry is punishable by law so when a girls family is paying so much..they surely want a the richest buy they can get everyone wants a good deal right? dont u like it if u get a good deal in a discount sale..?? its the same case with the marriage market
Me:	well, what can I say to that except they are blots on the face of humanity.
Mini:	well..u will be surprised to know.. that 70% of the educated clan in our present society belong to this community.. I read that in some survey conducted recently..by a women NGO out here in Bangalore so if girls do go for rich guys..the society has a lot to blame for it..
Me:	different surveys say different things. I don't give them a damn. So, do U think gals are making a deal when they marry and there's no real emotions like love involved?
! - 5 minutes' silence - !
Mini:	in an arranged marriage ..its just a deal..more often than not..love comes in a lot later.. and its not just girls who are involved in it right..so r the guys.. they too want the best deal. they are willing to sell themselves in the highest market.. its the girl and her family who has to make compromises..
Me:	Well, I don't think that guys of today's age take part in this trade willingly. They just don't dare to oppose their parents who are of old mentality and ask for dowry
Mini:	Since I am a girl and have seen many of my educated friends finding it hard to find an arranged match.. I know it is true. I have seen it happen..not once ..not twice..but all the time..
Me:	what .... guy asking a gal - how much do u earn?
Mini:	nope..its even worse... what they indirectly ask is.. how much is ur family willing to pay for me as a son in law?
Me:	It's actually - "How much are u willing to pay to get my son as Son in law?" it's dealt between parents.
Mini:	that is even worse.. u dont do the deal on ur own.. u make ur parents as middle men.. and give them commission on it.. and then say things like u want companionship.. i personally believe that most guys are hypocrites.. they laugh at others selling themselves in the marriage market.. and do the same when their turn comes
Me:	NO - u r missing the point. Guys like me at least loath this ugly tradition as much as the gal does. It's like standing in mid market, with a price tag attached to ourselves, and people bidding on us.
Mini:	yeah so u see... dont blame the girls who look for maoney..guys are no different.. its again not to do with girls alone.. its general human mentality
Me:	I'm saying "GUYS TODAY DON'T LIKE IT". It's the parents who are indulging in it.
Mini:	guys who say so are hypocrites.. no one including parents can sell u off without ur consent once u r an adult
Me:	then I must say U don't understand what 'being in a family' means?
Mini:	and usually in case of girls as well.. its the family who goes searching for the rich guy.. it is imbibed into them from childhood itself.. so again..it is not gender specific..its specific to the entire human race the family pressure is more for girls than the guys.. often girls find themselves in compromising positions,, and are helpless.. need to do things for the family well..I think I should break the gender war here..
Me:	Ok, sure. It's hotting up unnecessarily.
Mini:	just want to say that, instead of closing ur mind towards the female community, try to open up and think of things from their perspective.. it will give u very good insights on why they act the way they do and sorry if I was :@ rude..

Wow. :o . What a roller coaster ride it has been. The chat script above is just an excerpt. We discussed this for almost couple of hours. Later on, our convo revolved around another major issue in today's social life. Maybe I'll write about it next week. It felt nice to converse with someone who's this much composed and clear headed. That's the power of blogs. U get to experience different views, that might change your outlook. What started as discussion on College Romance - gradually engulfed marriage, dowry, society and what not? Great talking to her. Well, she didn't leave any contact info and said "I'll talk to u here". That way, she can contact me whenever she wants but not the other way around. Not fare. :(

Guess I'll get lot more reaction from several others in the coming days. Looking forward to it.

Related Posts :
Gals love spoilt playboys : repercussion
Gals love spoilt playboys

Ria:	Good Morning. Nice Blog. what U've written is very true.
Me:	Good morning. Thnx. :) I know. that's y I've written it. :)
Ria:	hehe. bt one thng was wrong! how can u say... girls like only bad guys...??
Me:	well, all the gals i've come across - they prefer strong 'bad' boys who can give them sense of security from romeos on road.
Ria:	how can a bad guy give protection .. kinda contradicting... dnt u thnk so!
Me:	See - nobody would like to eve-teas them, as they won't like to mess with the strong built 'bad' boy. then the gal could flaunt everywhere - "If u harass me, my boyfriend will break your bones".
Ria:	jst for the sake of protection..how can a gal fall for a bad guy.... ths is sick.. common now..dnt tell me..tht evry time a gal walks out n guys start eve teasing.. it does happen..bt nt always
Me:	It's kind of gal psychology yaar. Sober is boring. "Bad Boys" is like a craze for them.
Ria:	i dnt thnk so..nt all gals r same.. i mst say..u hve always come across wrong types of gals thn..!!
Me:	I agree that all girls are not the same. but most are like this only. would U date somebody who won't spend money on u? or who is not physically strong built?
Ria:	trust me... i would nvr do tht..i kno u ll nt..bt this is the truth only for money...no ways common now there is hardly any guy who is nt strongly built.. n der is diiff between being strong and bad... n yes all strong guys r nt bad..
Me:	Know this - any strong built guy - who is a bit handsome - has a certain amount of 'casanova' character in him. Just like gals. any beautiful gal knows that guys are following her - so she acts like miss world and fools around.
Ria:	yeah ... I agree bt i kno guys who r good..bt nt really casanovas bt u kno wht..y the hell u shud evr give imp to good lookn ppl... we hve bettr thngs to do in life... dnt u thnk so
Me:	well, yah. My point was just that - most of the gals talking about - "luv" - are just bogus.
Ria:	and i thought, ths is wht guys think...

Hhmmmm. Interesting conversation. Had couple of more such conversation with others. There's this guy who exclaimed "Dude, U r really genius". HeHe. Will possibly mention some more in the coming weeks. Stay tuned.

First one is Preety. Well, she is no less than Aki either, character wise. She's big time man-eater herself. Dated more than half of the hot shots of our batch and made out with at least a dozen. No one could hold onto her for more than half of a month. Only exception being her latest date - our Aki. It's being said now that she's finally serious for a steady relationship. But look - with whome..? All her past dates .... all they were madly in love with her but she never gave their feelings a damn, broke their hearts and fluttered to the next Victim when they were of no more use - physically or anyways. But now, she's serious about Aki and wants to marry him. But for our Aki - knowing all 'bout her past affairs - she's nothing more than a wh**e. He gives us vivid description of his 'quality time' with her and makes fun of her. It seems quite evident sometimes that she knows all these, but still she clings onto him.

Before preety, Aki was dating her friend Sweetu. She's a nice and friendly gal. She was aware of Aki's flamboyant image but still proposed him thinking 'my love will change him'. ( caution gals, that never happens). So, Aki took good care of this opportunity and they started seeing each other. Every alternate night, she slept with him and soon became entirely caught in the web. Then one fine day, Preety got interested in Aki and he shifted to the new babe. Sweetu was so shocked to realize that her best friend stole her boyfriend. But still she kept nagging Aki - 'feel my luv' - kind of emotions. When we were shifting our base from college at the end of our college term, she came to the station to see him off and pleaded 'give me one more chance'; while all others were laughing at her.

But before all these happened, there was this gal named Rehana. Honestly, I don't know much 'bout the kind and depth of relationship they had. All I know is that one day she got to know all about him, so he broke up with her. But Rehana still calls him up at least ten times a day. Aki abuses her verbally with each and every word she speaks, all in our presence with cell speaker on. But she never gives up. No matter how much he bad-mouths her, she calls up every day. She acts so pathetic, yaar; she acts like a slave, with no self respect. I wonder what Aki did to her that forces her to stoop to such level everyday.

Aki has shifted his base from Bangalore to another metro of India. Roping in another gal. The point I'm trying to convey here is that gals are not 'satisfied' with a nice n sober guy. They find spoilt and 'Macho' guy - who gives the world 'a damn', and 'f**k the law' is whose mantra, much more dependable.

yes girls do fall in love at first sight. not with you but your wallet.

They think they will provide them greater security as others won't mess with this guy - and evidently they have lotsa money which they can spend on her. And being the girlfriend of the 'Hot' guy gives them a high. So, there's no 'Dil ka mamla' as far as love of a girl is concerned. All they care about is bank balance and hotness quotient. As Dilawar puts it - "girls do fall in love at first sight. not with you but your wallet."

Lemme know what you think of this. And do you believe in Love @ 1st sight? Leave your comments. And cast your opinion on the poll on the left side.

Related Posts :

GLSP : Repercussion
GLSP : Repercussion 2

SS was anyway genuinely worried 'bout me. For once, I was loosing her and also my beloved. She was constantly telling me to express my feelings to this gal. Her logic –

SS:	See itz nothing wrong to develop feelings for someone. Just go tell her. Itz imp for u to let her know ur feelings towards her. What if she feels happy? understands and respects ur feeling? prolly she will give u a friendly hug and say I understand :)

[ Read rest of the chat script in the upcoming PDF version ]

At times, I feel really very weak at my knees. When SS keeps pressing me to express my feelings, I feel like letting it out. What’s gonna happen? She'll avoid me? She's leaving me forever anyway. And even before that we're not really romancing. So why am I burning myself like this? Just tell her what I feel for her. SS makes me believe that she won't take it badly. But still there's this 1% fear of loosing what I already have with her - our precious bond, our special relation. No matter how much understanding she is - no matter how much she appreciates my feelings now - once I tell her the truth - there'll be always a certain / huge uneasiness between us. Our care free attitude will take a blow. And that will hurt more.

There’s another instance when she made me vulnerable. 1st July. That day I had a terrible argument with my roomie and was boiling like anything. So asked SS if she'll be awake till midnight so that I can chat and vent out. Around midnight she msged - "OK I'm here to listen. waiting". that itself melted me. So nice of her. I kept on ranting about all my frustration and she listened to all of it and kept comforting me. Then eventually there was this about how I'm suffocating myself by not expressing my feelings to that gal. This time she was giving me courage to look for hope in this fog. She said -

U know what? U love her immensely. True love.
I wish she could hear U.
Is she happy with her finance?
Some people just walk around as if they r happy, but still they have issues.
................
And she hasn't got married yet no? Go say. Ask her to read your posts.

All that she said were so SO provocative. For an instance I felt like calling her up then n there. But then, didn't want to create complications for her. All that SS said were filmy wishful thinking. She'll read my posts, feel the depths of my love, fall in love with me, break her engagement and marry me instead .... huh .... such things happen only in candy floss movies. Not real life.

all those feelings that she has been appreciating all along were for none other than herself

Everybody is an expert in giving advice. But it's only when they are thrust into a weird situation that they get perplexed. What if SS was really the one I loved? She has already read my posts. So, if I'd told her @ that very moment that It's U, how would've she reacted? Knowing that all those feelings that she has been appreciating all along were for none other than herself, will she still find them adorable? If can't expect SS, who I guess knows me so well, to fathom it properly - how can I pretend that she [one whom I do love ] will...?? So, it's better the way it is - buried. But SS was just being a supportive friend, like a strong pillar giving all the support it can to a collapsing house in a storm. What R friends for?

Anyway, I didn't start this doc to write about this gal but it's about me & SS. So, back to our story. Well, as it is with every young lady - the days between engagement and marriage are the most memorable days - full of excitement, compassion, fear and lotsa tender feelings .... blah blah blah. Don't ask me about it 'coz I haven't been through it personally till date. But have seen SS in this phase. She was so vibrant and yet vulnerable in those last few days. Used to cry a lot at the tiniest instance. She was worried about whether she'd be able to take proper care of AM and do justice to his endless love. I did my best to comfort her, but donno how much it helped. She was as brittle as always.

The day of her wedding was finally nearing rapidly. One day I saw her wedding invitation card on her blog. [ didn't receive any formal invitation though. ;) ] And then she called me up asking me to attend the wedding. "See if U can make it to the wedding". At that very moment, a previous convo that we had was playing in my mind. The night she had called me up after reading my post about her, she had said "I know U won't attend my wedding". We both were chuckling @ this, 'coz we both knew what she's saying is true. That was when she had promised last time to meet. She had said

"I suggest we'll meet sometime in July. Will treat U for everything - Job, Engagement and Wedding. I'll spend some time with you. I'm gonna miss all of U".

I didn't have high hopes on this ever. And as it turned out, she really didn't recall having said that ever. July just vanished from the calendar - just like that.

Anyways, finally it was 15th Aug, marking India's 60 years of Independence. But for me, more than that, the BIG day of my Best Friend SS. Texted her @ the stroke of midnight -

"Your voyage for a new life begins today. Wish U all the happiness in life".

Didn't call her up, not then - not ever after that. 'Coz now she wasn't just my friend. She was wife to someone. No matter how deep or pure other relations are, marriage does affect everything.

Didn't attend it physically, but kept imagining what could be possibly happening right now at the venue. The day after, a couple of visibly insignificant SMSs were exchanged. But well, those were possibly the last words we ever exchange. So, wouldn't delete them from my cell ever. She's leaving for US on 5th Sep. Unlike SS, who has a very poor short term memory, I remember such dates almost perfectly. I don't need it to be 1st May or 15th Aug. HeHe. Just teasing her.

Epilogue

It's been just a bit more than one year of knowing her. Met her JUST once and spent a lifetime [ or was it just a few fraction of seconds ] with her. She knows me more than any leaving soul on this planet. And I've seen all UPs and DOWNs of her life. Seen the little kid in her heart who helplessly craves for mom, finds delight in moonlit nights, gets frightened by cats, tries to catch butterflies. And yet sometimes, it's she only who's an adolescent lady - one who falls for a unknown voice over the telephone, finds kindling romanticism in getting drenched in rain, gets jealous of others falling in love but not her. Sometimes she is more mature than her age - raising her voice against the social evils - eve-teasing and all.

And above all, being the sweetest friend to me. The best thing that ever happened to me.

When she must - she stood her ground. At her weaker moments - she's as fragile as a newborn baby. Have seen her go through the turmoils of Apara - Infy - and Accenture. Been there when she was having a hard time with mounting pressure to get married. Seen her switching to arranged marriage clan. Seen her chirping like a humming bird, crying like a bereaved child, fighting like a warrior - facing the world with panache. And above all, being the sweetest friend to me. The best thing that ever happened to me.

And ya, the fear of loosing this sweetest friend is still there. I won't get to hear her voice - ever. She's gonna move to some US city and maybe only GTalk will be our mode of communication - that too for a limited period due to time differences. And even this communication is gonna die down soon after that. Life will always seem incomplete and in wait, just as this little diary of mine is.

I know U will, but still, can't resist the temptation of saying this to U AM. "Take care of Her".

One dear friend that I got after so long was again going to disappear.

Guess I didn’t respond nicely to her BIG news. That’s when she got this idea that I’m not OK with this event and that I might be in love with her. She kind of expressed this assumption when one day she asked me if I’d create a website for her ‘even after knowing what it’s about'? She wanted me to design a site for her and AM, how they clicked n all. I’d have loved to do that. But the way she asked it – I kind of felt weak. It wasn’t love. I have met her just once and now she was going to be married to someone. So, there was no love as she had presumed. But there was surely this feeling that she’s going away. One dear friend that I got after so long was again going to disappear. That made me kind of hollow and I was in a state of daze. And SS assumed this ‘sadness’ of mine to be my ‘broken heart’.

In those days, she tried to ‘mend my heart’. She was sweet. It was so nice of her that she cared, but bit of disheartening to see that she didn’t understand me. Just before her engagement, she asked me –

SS:	u don wanna know about my guy? Can u make it for engagement?
Me:	don think so. Am planning to go to college this Sunday.
SS:	how about Tuesday?
Me:	sun, mon, tue - 3days I’ll be there.
SS:	ok fine

[ 54 minutes’ silence ]
[ Read rest of the chat script in the upcoming PDF version ]

And after the engagement: -

SS:	hello how r u? r u angry with me?
Me:	Hi. not so good. Why would I be?
SS:	u didn’t come for my engagement...!!
Me:	I didn't come to office either. Man, I’m in pain. Back pain.
SS:	I still sense that something is wrong.

[ after a long pause ]
[ Read rest of the chat script in the upcoming PDF version ]

And later: -

Me:	I guess I’ve got lots to tell U.
SS:	temme no. temme I’m here to listen. Just let it out. U will feel goood.
Me:	honestly, I donno what. Every morning wen I login to GTalk, i check if u r there or not. I think I'll tell u so many things if u r there.
SS:	:) nice. I look forward for u to come online too :) Tell no. shall I call?

[ Read rest of the chat script in the upcoming PDF version ]

I didn’t tell her anything as of then. Instead wrote a post about it on my blog. 1st few days, she was unaware of it. Later AM pointed this to her. And when she finally read it, she was all so senti about it.

"I just felt like talking to u after reading it."

Towards the eve, she sent a reply mail. Our 1st mail communication since we moved to Bangalore. She had answered to some of my points and countered some. I was just staring @ the screen for some time. She accepted that she did think that I’m in love with her.

“Yes, I thought something like that only. When I told you about my engagement you didn't even ask me any question as though it doesn't matter to you!”

And she had tried to assure me that

“We will always be in touch. I will call you from there. I am always there to listen to you”.

I couldn't reply to it in time due to the disconnection of gmail. was that for good? 'coz she called me up @ 2030hrs and again @ 2100 hrs. she was answering the mail again and was saying "I love him and he loves me more"... and so on. And I didn't feel that bad about it. Talked to her for about 22 mins, most of the time just listening. At the end of it, I was really so happy for her, she made me all smiles.
To be Continued. Read rest of the series here

Our friendship was no less than a Bollywood flick either. It all started a year ago, during my 4th n final year in College. Can you believe that..? All these years we've been studying under same roof and not known each other...!! Well, technically there are couple of mistakes in the last sentence. My class was on 2F - 2nd floor while her was on GF - ground floor. So, technically not under the same roof. ;) And although she didn't know me, I was aware of this chasmis [not the Einstein, but Naina kind] bubbly gal. Had seen her here n there in campus and known her name through friends in her class. But never talked to her or saw her more than a few secs. She was always mobile.

We first struck up @ Orkut. A few scrap exchanges and I had shifted to Bangalore, as the college term was over. Those were some awful days. Sowmya was getting married and I was struggling in Bangalore to get a job. Only thing that was like breeze of fresh air back then was SS.

My 1st letter to her was on 29th June when I was back in shimoga to wrap up some pending formalities. Now I'm not a Subodh of Dil Chahta Hai who keeps clinging to his calender. I can point the date 'coz I just went through my saved mails and saw that. So, I was saying ke our bonding took time. I had asked her

"Hi Sweetu, Can I call u by that name; it's chhhooo chhweeeet"

to which she had replied

"Don't call me by Sweetu. I can't give you such leniency :p".

[Auw my Gaud....!!!!]. My flatmate Shekhar was her batch-mate and I guess she had this impression that I was like him only. well, that was then. Now I call her Shona and she's all sport for it.

Ok, back to some flash back. She was apprehensive at the start, as usual. She used to get alarmed too often. When I had asked

"Your cell no. is same or changed?"

she had replied

"I never remember having given you my cell number".

Hey, I wasn't tricking her into giving me her number. I really already had her number. And even today she doesn't know how. :D

Anyways, she was helping me to get over my grief for Sowmya and also assisting me in my job hunt. She still hadn't told me her nickname, so I coined 'Tube Light' for her. She used to fathom things a bit slowly. Once I wrote a mail to her in which I was sounding like a poster praising itself boasting of my achievements in college. She got it all wrong and wrote me a long consoling mail, describing her long struggle for job. Well, that was so cute of her. It did make me forget my worries and as a bonus, I got to know more 'bout her.

It wasn't all smooth sailing though. There was a time when it felt like downpour. One day she SMSed me about a guy who's disturbing her too much.

"He keeps msging me and tells me even trivial things. Acts like a chipku. I can see he's trying to get close which I'm not liking."

That was the biggest shocker for me. All that she described somehow matched me. Though she kept saying "it's someone else", I had this intuition that she was referring to me - subtle indication - and was immensely disheartened to realize that she thinks of me that way. I stopped communicating with her altogether.

She, possibly unaware of what she had done to me, continued with her usual dose of SMSs and calls. And before long, it was impossible to remain angry with this innocent barbie. So we were back in talking terms. She kept asking me for a coffee meet. But I kept dodging her. Finally one day I agreed to take her to the movie KANK next weekend. That was supposed to be our 1st meet. All these months of knowing each other, we haven't met for a single second. So obviously I was excited. But a couple of days later, she wasn't so sure about going with 'just me' to movie. She said with an air of uncertainty that her family might keep her busy that weekend. And on Wednesday, she proposed to go for the movie along with her office gang. Such a turn off. I declined it outright.

Our first meet was thus delayed by a couple of months. It eventually happened on 1st week of Jan '07. My B'day - 7th Jan. It just gets better every year. This years was the best ever. For once, I was out of college, so didn't have to hide my B'day from others fearing B'day bums. Secondly, I had my money in my hands, so that I can celebrate my B'day the way I want - take friends to movie, throw party n stuff. That morning, I asked SS to join me for a movie @ Inox and she readily agreed. Another round of excitement. Meeting her for the 1st time, at last, that too on my B'day. That day was gonna be the best. When I saw her @ the entrance of Garuda Mall, waiting for me, I felt elated and for a moment it felt like as if some dream has come true. But, as usual with me, nothing went as planned. I had roped in two more friends of mine in this treat [ what d hell was i thinkin ...!! ], She was kind of displeased but didn't show it. All shows @ Inox were houseful, so we had to go for Rex. After that, instead of McDonald, went for CCD which was also packed. So had to settle for a Nescafe', where she found a leftover chewing gum stuck to her jeans. Brigade was too crowded to have a nice walk. When it was time to leave, I didn't drop her back to her home, which I could've. All in all, the day was different than what I thought of it. But still, The Best. 'Coz that was the only day that I spent time with her, face to face. We never met again. Within a week of our 1st & last meet, it has somehow dawned upon me.

Nonetheless, the following day - 8th Jan was no less dramatic. That was the most memorable chat session we ever had. When I look back at the chat script of that day and compare it with the reality of today, I wonder how much everything have changed. That day she had said

"I don't want arranged marriage. I'm tired of faking it all to impress my parents."

She was venting her anger against the rusty tradition with so much flare, and at times with childlike tantrums. In her angry mood too, she sounded so cute; and I felt like as if I was mending a sobbing kid demanding somethin. I was terribly worried 'bout her anyway. This kid, being forced to get married; just couldn't digest it. In few moments I was flaring up. Now I was venting my frustration against the age old traditions, arranged meets nd marriages and the 'Oh so HOLLY SAMAAZ'. Seeing me outburst, she kind of subdued and was just giving one linear comments after my 'pageful lecture'.

"Wow! u know elders so well.
I like ur view on this
exactly tht happened with me. u r very right
u will be a good parent for sure wow u understand parents so well!

So, gals - if U are looking for a 'good father' quality in your life partner, U know U've found one. :) SS can give U a certificate of that.

So, gals - if U are looking for a 'good father' quality in your life partner, U know U've found one.

After the debacle of her first arranged thingy, she was madly looking to find a guy of her liking. Some guy proposed to her, some butterfly naturalist sent her a letter, and there was some guy from orkut who had FWDed his proposal through his friend and she was considering it. Was she despo or what...!! I guess I shouldn't have said that to her. She lost her cool and told me

gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. [with exact that many 'o's. ] i don wanna talk to u for a while.

That was the 1st time she almost made me feel like crying. Almost, 'coz I was in office @ that time, and can't actually cry. God gracious.

Anyway, she did try to mend the damage. Pinged me after lunch time. But still wasn't herself. Our convo was lacking its warmth. So I said

Environ is hot here. guess AC is not working properly. ping me wen u want. c ya

The following day we were fighting about how we could say such things to each other. Strings of I guess, U don't understand me. followed. And then suddenly she was like

"we r fighting! omg! I'm fighting with someone after a long time."

What....!! She was chirping. It felt so kiddish. Whatever, fighting sometimes is good I guess, 'coz now none of us was angry on the other one.
To be Continued. Read part-2 here
This series is now available in PDF format. Check this post.

As early as in the 3rd standard, u see kids having crushes on each other. By the 6th n 7th stnd, there's plenty of sex talk among them. And if u r the 'happening kind' then there's lot of pressure to have someone by the time u're 12! If U don't have a crush, U don't fit in. This is specially true in big schools among kids from higher income groups, who are allowed to socialize, having relatively more freedom, more money and the facilities of a car n driver on call 24/7 to do so. Among the middle-class, where after-school interaction is limited, it manifests itself on a lesser level in the form of teasing.

Why do boys and girls feel compelled to have a mate at such an early age? It's apparently because they're maturing emotionally much more quickly than before and are exposed to media that hypes relationships. Children idolize stars and want to imitate them. Other reasons like the need for excitement, the need to have someone to attend socials and parties with, the need to seem 'popular', the need to have someone to boost one's self-esteem or enjoy attention from a source other than family are all valid in today's times. And even if the craving doesn't come from within, the pressure from both friends and foes, who respectively either push them into the dating scene or put them down for not being part of it, is immense.


The effects of such peer pressure can result in damage to the youngster's self-image. It especially effects young gals, who feel they don't look good enough to attract boyz. They feel the need to do something like coloring their hair or change the way they dress or look better. And although it doesn't often develop into a complex among guys, they do get a lot of flak from other boys, who may bully them, calling them 'pansy' or 'girlish' if they don't show they're 'macho' by dating a gal.

The solution....??? Well, I don't think going out and buying dating manuals like The Happy Hook-Up or reading advice on internet will help. But perhaps U could keep your eyes and mind open, as well as discuss peer pressure and importance of protecting one's individuality.

Most war mongers are taking me to be a cow. Every time any of them is biting the dust, they pick up a fight with me, with no solid reason; just to appease own Manhood Ego. They believe I wont argue & shout much, so they can shout at me and manhandle me and WIN war on me. The worst part of it is that some among these breed are my own dear friends. I try my best not to get involved but sometimes they do cross the limit; and that's when I erupt.

There's been 2 such incidents in past few months. In both cases, those two people apologized to me later - realizing I was at no fault. We are still friends. But the memory of that incident is still erect like a wall between us.

This makes me ponder, is remaining calm worth it in the first place.....!!!! Just 2 days back, my flat mate was showering his anger on me, acting as if he is the BOSS and he'll decide what I should do and what I shouldn't. I had answers to each and every attack of him. But I couldn't expect that spoilt brat to understand logically. So I remained calm while he was throwing tantrum all over the place. He doused after some time and within evening, was talking to me as if nothing had happened. Things could've gone very bad that day - snowballing into someone moving out of the flat. But that didn't happen as I didn't participate in the fight. This realization
do give me a nice feeling. But the flip side is that maybe I am harming my own reputation. No one's gonna say that "Vicky handled the situation well and averted something much worse". All they will say is "He is a coward."

No matter what Munnabhai says about Gandhigiri, I am feeling that these things hold no value in today's world. If U stoop, everyone is gonna trample you.

A brick for a brick is the mantra of today's world.