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   Bikram Agarwal
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My Heart died 2day | Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Today I m here to share my hurt heart's feelings with u all. I don't have close friends & specially 2day - I'm feeling too much alone. So, U r d only people with whome I can share my feelings. As the saying goes - "दूख बांटने से कम होता है" Let me try that out; see if it can help me ease my heart.
There's this girl named Rani in my class. I loved her from the bottom of my heart. She also knew that. Still we are friends. Three years passed like three seconds - or like three ages. Now it was our last yr in college. I was hoping for some miracle - or at least some great moments with her before we part our ways. Truly speaking - I never wanted to get separated from her. I can't imagine my life without her. But I had to accept the reality which is - she doesn't feel 4 me d way I feel for her. So, even though I knew someday we have to part, I wasn't ready to face it so early.

She is engaged. I got the news yesterday but couldn't believe the rumors in the air. I was so much restless the whole of last night. Then it was today in class. She saw me at the corridor as we both were approaching the class. She waited for me to come forward. And then said - "मेरी engagement हो गई है". She couldn't look me into the eyes. Just said it like that & went to the class. She looked so happy. Somehow I survived that class. Then I ran back to my room and afterwards - M in a state of ---- don't know what. My heart seems dead, really. Heart beat is down to 4o beats/min. I sliced a wrist, stabbed a cig, injured the eye - but nothing is hurting more than it is hurting in the heart.
I knew she was never mine. I knew this day was coming. But wen this day really came so early - I am just unable to react. Seems I've lost my senses. I couldn't drop even a single tear. I want to cry - but even tears have betrayed me 2day. I needed a shoulder to lean on - but no one was there beside me. I am still breathing 'coz of my PC. They say my PC is my 1st GF. Maybe they are right. Let me see how long it can hold me together.

[ Continued in Full Post ]

The days are not gonna be same again. She is going to be a part of someone else's life & I can't do a thing. I wanted to be a part of every part of her life. I wanted to grow old with her. I dreamt of our little home with our Sonal Minal playing in the garden. I wished I could live in her heart - drown in her eyes & die in her arms. But all those dreams are washed out today. I don't have a dream to live on. I don't know why am I still breathing - why am I still alive..??
Suicide is not an option. That's the path what the cowards choose. The responsibility of my family rests with me. I have a family which loves me a lot. The only extra thing that I asked for was her love. Did I asked god for too much..!!!
They say time is the greatest medicine; it heals all. Then there are craps like -"There are many more fishes in the river","लरकी, बस और ट्रेन","U deserve a far more better girl.." etc etc. I don't know anything of these and I don't give a damn. All I know is I loved this girl - I wanted to spend my life with her - and now she is gone - and I'm all alone. I know I won't be able to love anyone else ever. I don't have a single piece of my broken heart with me.

OK, sorry. I've been crying here for a long time. Sorry for wasting your time. I want to be alone for sometime. Thnx for listening to me.

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  • Blogger dragon says:
    Sat Apr 15, 11:45:00 AM  

    hey geniosity @ pley i dun know who r u,n who is rani plz pray tel me.is she in 8th sem jnnce.me also 2 wurried cuz i am in love with one of the gal but her name is not rani i wanna keep it confidential n she is also engaged n i love my gal also 2 much.but i dun know who r u?the gal with whom i'm in love is in IS final year n i am junior i am also in jnnce.
    but c the difference me i came 2 know tat she is already engaged just 10 deys l8r wen i started lovin' her.but i didn't give a damn i waz totally in love with her alweys makin eye contact with each other.i thought she is also in love with me so one dey i talked n she tol' me she is already engaged then i tol' 'er i dun care such things cuz i wanna just hv love with u tats al.n v parted awey.
    i am in love with a gal who is already engaged n will marry in july,then also i will love her though she mey hv kids anything his husband mey come in front of me i will show my natural love n true love tat i had 4 her.
    c the difference b/w me n u is that i dun cherish any dreams or any phantasies just love n nothin' else.
    hope u understand this then u hv wun ur world of love.
    bye. top

  • Anonymous Anonymous says:
    Tue Apr 18, 12:28:00 PM  

    :)) guys.I'm sure I know the girls u r talking about. Take care. top

  • Anonymous Anonymous says:
    Sat Sep 08, 04:20:00 PM  

    Its the most terrible feeling on this earth is having ones heart ripped out. I know but in time by some way and some how pieces start to come back .Bit by bit. Maybe its heavenly healing. Maybe its just the essence of time an knowing that the one who has caused the heart to be torn apart wont be there anymore an now i know deep within my self that truth an i stop the denying of maybe this or that but start the healing of moving on bit by bit an before i know it i am able to live an just maybe love all over again, yes in time all things can mend ,,wholely i dont know about that but mend yes,, Hold on an it will pass. Maybe it was meant to not be the one i dont know fate can be not as we want it, but as a person who knows heart ache It could've been worst maybe if she hadnt loved you as much as you loved her an u married an then she cheated on u an then what? It would be far worst. in the end , Time can and will mend when you want it to,, bye for now a friend top

  • Blogger Moony ric.... says:
    Thu May 01, 07:50:00 PM  

    u seemed 2 b a hopeless romantic !! top

  • Blogger RIA SHAH says:
    Thu Oct 02, 12:51:00 PM  

    "I know I won't be able to love anyone else ever. I don't have a single piece of my broken heart with me." REALLY ...?? :p top



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