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   Bikram Agarwal
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Love - Journey of the Geek | Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Another year, another Valentine's Day; but the same ol' Me. Nothing much have changed, except for, maybe, my maturity level. But what I see as maturity, some others see it as my loneliness and tendency to cocoon myself. They keep saying "तेरेको नौकरी मिली, अब छोकरी चाहिऐ" which means "now that u've got a job, u must get a girlfriend"

Huh.... GirlFriend....!! I'm kind of 'once bitten, twice shy' guy. Love knocked on my heart's door multiple times; some cherish able moments, some pain - that's what they all have left me with. But the last one was the longest and most terrible. When that broke up, I was kind of shattered. People kept saying "time will heal all wounds" and crap like that but I never believed a word. I kind of marooned myself in my own 'city of dead'. But then again, someone came in my life, who made my heart beat - once again.

Love is not a baseball game where u count 1st, 2nd, 3rd. Love is just love, pure and innocent.

People say "1st love is the only true love. Anything after that is just a fling". I and most of my age beg to differ. Love is not a baseball game where u count 1st, 2nd, 3rd. Love is just love, pure and innocent. The only difference I acknowledge is in feeling it for the 1st time. That's the only thing special about the so called '1st love'. I mean, before that, u've just heard the term 'love' and seen it being depicted in movies but never experienced it. But the 1st time cupid strikes u, u don't understand what's happening to u. The sudden all new feeling for someone special, the 1st sleepless nights, loosing yourself in thoughts .... all those new things .... just the newness is special about '1st love'. When u move on and fall for someone else, the passion isn't any less. It's just that this time u know what's happening to u.

I still remember Debopriya, my 1st girlfriend. I wasn't her boyfriend, though. I guess, U got the picture. It was typical hindi movie love story. I loved her, she loved someone else. I never told her about my feelings 'coz I didn't want to lose my friend. But one day she came to know of it. She knew the song I used to play most often those days and she she realized that this song was for her only.

That day, she spent the whole day with me, trying to reason with me, make me understand her situation। She wasn't doing any courtesy or pitying on me। It was pure affection of a bond that we shared till the last day। Even though we weren't couples, we were more than 'just friends'. But the end was somewhat tragic. Her boyfriend had ditched her and she was all heart broken. She said to me --

[ Continued in Full Post ]

This is my punishment for refusing your true love. Now I'm not worth U. Find a new love, who'll love U from core of her heart. I'm sure U'll find one. Don't waste your time and feelings on me." These were her exact words. And she left for Calcutta without giving me any contact no. That was the 1st and only time when I cried for her all night. "पहले प्यार का पहला गम".

Getting over her wasn't that tough though. (What with all the fuss about '1st love'....??) Lots of exams and travel, JEE, CET; Calcutta, Bangalore, Bellary, Hubli and finally Shimoga. College life started, sans family. First few months, I was homesick. And during some of those days, I missed Priya like anything. I used to wonder around all by myself and be lonely. So my friends came forward and vowed to bring love back in my life, ala कल हो ना हो style.

no matter how it blossoms, once it does - love is divine.

In class, I used to talk to only one girl named Rani. So, they kept telling me that I love her. And gradually - I also started feeling the same. Weired,.... forced love...?? infatuation....?? I also thought so about Rohit in KHNH. But believe me, no matter how it blossoms, once it does - love is divine. Any guilt feeling for Priya? Not really. She never looked at me that way and wanted me to move on. This is what she wanted for me. So....

But I was apprehensive this time. I proposed her only in our 3rd year in my own special way. That's a long story. Read it in this pull-out. Click on the image. Install these fonts 1st.

What happened after the proposal....?? The usual - "we are good friends, let it remain that way". That's easier to say but very difficult to comply. Something was amiss between us from that day on. There was this sudden change in her attitude. Her flip side surfaced. She started playing with me. U know, she was enjoying my attention and making me live on a hope; 'maybe someday she'll be mine'. I was such an emotional fool that time, that I just followed the mirage. But it diluted in the final year. I knew her intentions and was now ready to play along. One day, she made her engagement news and invited whole class to it. That was somewhat shell-shock to me. But I did recover very fast. All emotional attachments were over. Now it was kind of game. I didn't meet her on our last day in college. She got married this 6th Jan, 1 day prior to my B'day; and honestly speaking, I didn't feel anything for it. In fact, this B'day was my most memorable B'day.

"Dude, what's wrong with U..?? Date somebody. U r straight, right...??"

After the end of college, I shifted to Bangalore and the 'Great Job Hunt' begun, which had to go on for 6 months, before I landed a job in Ness Technologies. Within these 6 months, I had a lot of short term crushes. Some lasted one day, some one week, one month at most. But none of them made me feel 'lovey dovey'. So, I stopped looking for love. Hence, currently I'm single (technically) and not really looking for a partner. Technically, 'coz a couple of gals are hitting on me these days, but I'm not interested as they're 'not my type'. And I don't wanna do it just for the heck of it. These days, there's lots of peer pressure to have a companion. If u don't have a Girlfriend/Boyfriend, U r made to feel left out - out of league. "Dude, what's wrong with U..?? Date somebody. U r straight, right...??" I didn't have to come across such comments but that's what most singles my age come across. But as I said, after two break-ups, I still haven't found 'My kinda Gal'. And I'm quite enjoying it. No commitments as of yet, no boundaries, lots of options to choose from - a typical bachelor's nice & cool life. But I'm not ruling out any possibilities. It's just that I'm not screaming from roof-top to get a girlfriend. It will happen when it's meant to be. I'm just keeping my eyes open. If someone compatible comes across, I'll check my options.

Meanwhile, I am loving this poem -

To love is to share life together
to build special plans just for two
to work side by side
and then smile with pride
as one by one, dreams all come true.

To love is to help and encourage
with smiles and sincere words of praise
to take time to share
to listen and care
in tender, affectionate ways.

To love is to have someone special
one who you can always depend
to be there through the years
sharing laughter and tears
as a partner, a lover, a friend.

To love is to make special memories
of moments you love to recall
of all the good things
that sharing life brings
love is the greatest of all.

I've learned the full meaning
of sharing and caring
and having my dreams all come true;
I've learned the full meaning
of being in love
by being and loving with you.

That's just so...... so romantic. I feel like 'my dil goes uummmmmmmm ummmmmmmm ummmm'.

Wrote too much yaar. Don't feel like writing any more. Will get back whenever I feel like. Have a lovely Valentine's Day. May U get your soul mate this year.

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