Now, that does attract a lot of raised-eyebrows. 'Dude, why do you give her so much importance? Is something brewing?' What a bunch of idiots. It's just biological that I'm more open with girls. I mean, every person on earth is more comfortable with the opposite sex. Among pals of same gender, there's always a barrier, some sort of uneasiness. At some level, they are your competitor. You feel insecure. But with the opposite gender, there's no such hassle. You're always more caring and gentle towards the opposite sex. When you are down and need someone to be beside you, it's them who'll give you more comfort.

Lemme give one case. A guy can't cry in front of another guy 'coz that's considered lame among guys. But he can cry his heart out in the presence of his female friend, 'coz she won't look down upon him for this. Instead, she will lend him a shoulder. Now, who's supposed to be closer to you? One who joins you when you're happy or the one who's beside you when you're sad? Obviously it's the latter.

Similarly, when a girl really needs some advice or help, can she really depend on another girl? Being totally honest, girls dislike helping each other. Even best of friends think twice before helping the other. There's always some jealousy burning between any two girls. But it's just the opposite with guys. Girls can always look upto a guy friend for help or advice. Helping 'damsel in distress' is like top priority for most guys. And as they say - 'A friend in need is a friend indeed'.

There's really a very very thin line between friendship and love. They often change into each other and are indistinguishable. I mean, picture this. There's someone with whom you are most comfortable. You want to share everything under the sun with him / her. There comes a time when your days seem incomplete if you can't talk to him / her. What's that? Of course you love your friend. What's a relationship where there's no love? But are you in love with your friend? I mean, the love which prompts you to get married. Can you spend your life with this friend? Of Course. But are you thinking about marriage? No. It's really very complicated but you don't give it much thought. All that matters is that you are happy with your friend.

Maybe I donno what's love and what's friendship. For me, they are literally inseparable. Listen to this - "She's my friend but I don't love her" or "I love him but he's not my friend". Sounds funny / uncanny, huh? My gal friends are more close to me than guys. Some people think of it as my weakness; that I wear my heart on my sleeves. I can't help but pray for them.

Lemme know about your views on this matter. Leave a comment.

Mini:	hi again! the other day I just read what u had to say abt girls liking spoilt guys.. and like the rest of my girl community..I too had a few thoughts abt it..
Me:	k. So, what's your take on it?
Mini:	well..there is a reason y girls like such guys.. it's not because they see their future life partners in such guys.
Me:	I never said gals marry such guys. When it comes marriage - 'Nice Rich Guys' are still the favorite. 'Bad Guys' are kool for dating.
Mini:	u see, most girls will not accept it.. but more often than not we r always trying to impress the opposite sex.. and bad guys kind of are a challenge.. its like..if I can make this guy fall for me..or steal this guy away.. then I can make any guy fall for me.. kind of attitude..
Me:	Wow, that point didn't occur to me. :#
Mini:	u see..girls also kind of use the "kool" guy to boost their own self esteem we all like to feel good abt ourselves right..? :$ and when this guy walks away..the opposite happens.. the moral goes down.. and then the desperation is not exactly to win back the guy.. but to win back the lost self esteem.. u see it is not abt the guy or how cool he is.. usually girls never like such guys.... its all to do with pleasing their own ego.. so girls actually dont care abt such guys.. they just look at it as an opportunity to judge their worth with the opposite sex.. I hope I am making sense here..
Me:	Well, that's certainly one large chunk of gals' attitude. But I do know lotsa gals who fell for all wrong guys, though several nice guys were ready to die for them.
Mini:	there are exceptions.. but more or less..somewhere deep within most girls have this desire to find out how good or how bad they are at getting a guy who is difficult to get.. well..u dont get it.. the girl hasnt exactly fallen for this guy.. she is just testing her worth with him.. do I make sense?
Me:	I guess both guys n gals like to indulge in something that is hard to get.
Mini:	yes..that is human nature u see..
Me:	I got your point. But that's not universal. Those were actually in love with them. Crying in loneliness, wrist slicing - I've seen them doing these.
Mini:	thats what u think..but trust me..u r far from the truth its all to do with coping with thier lost self esteem ..their ego.. they loose their personal worth when they dont manage to get what they want.. its not specific to this guy.. look at it as a job left undone.. failure in a particular project that was critical to the client and u being responsible for it.. wouldnt u bury ur head in shame..its the same case. they dont slice their wrist for the guy..they slice it for themselves.
Me:	wow, :o u talk 'Uber Kool'. U argue well.
Mini:	I am not arguing.. I am just letting u see things in a different perspective.. else u would never understand girls ;-)
Me:	by argument - I didn't mean two people up in arms against each other argument as in - knowledge imparting.
Mini:	and u know what..its not that girls fall for money.. for them money is just as important as it is for any guy..or any human being.. but some relate money to success.. if u are able to earn a decent living u have discipline in life.. u r worth trusting.. then u r a safe guy to date.. but if u r not worried abt ur future..and dont care abt a job..and would rather live in rags.. then how would a girl think of a future with u.. its not abt money..its about security
Me:	What kind of logic is that ---? Rich guys are Disciplined, trust worthy, safe.?
Mini:	Yes
Me:	Aren't rich guys spoilt, arrogant and use gals as toys?
Mini:	safe as in..they can think of some future in the relationship I think that point i made it clear previously..
Me:	Future as in 'Holiday in Switzerland' future?
Mini:	future as in a comfortable living .. not a holiday in Switzerland..but atleast a trip to Goa. maybe manali..once a yr..
Me:	My point is 'The 1st thing that a gal looks for while dating or marrying a guy is - MONEY' How much does he earn? Will he be able to give me all heavenly comforts?
Mini:	well... :p ..again u r wrong boss.. first thing they look for is some basic compatibility..then they look for the money.. as in money relates to how successful the person is on his own.. if he has a full time job..is educated enuf.. then why not go for the guy..
Me:	compatibility - who cares? not gals. all they see is money.
Mini:	money relates to stability..not materialistic pleasures.. :D :D :D .. u will be surprised to know the truth..
Me:	how else do one explain awesome beautiful gals hanging out with total fat-ass rich dorks?
Mini:	I told u right.. it boosts their self esteem.. to make a rich guy fall for her.. then she is sure that she can get the guy she wants.. she gets confidence.. the girl is usually not at all interested in the guy
Me:	Forget dating. I'm talking about marrige here.
Mini:	marriage ..again..itd a very crucial thing.. many people get married for different reasons... usually its the guys who marry for money (dowry) so dont blame the girl for choosing a rich guy if her dad is willing to pay to buy her a hubby..why not she go for the richest one
Me:	I think dowry is no longer existing in our society. even if it is, it's gonna be wiped out soon. but, gals n family hunting for the lion is not gonna end ever.
Mini:	well.again u think wrong.. One of my colleagues..k=just got engaged... and the engagement was sealed with her dad paying 2 lakhs in advance.. now she is a well earning s/w engineer.. i am talking abt people who have education and who know dowry is punishable by law so when a girls family is paying so much..they surely want a the richest buy they can get everyone wants a good deal right? dont u like it if u get a good deal in a discount sale..?? its the same case with the marriage market
Me:	well, what can I say to that except they are blots on the face of humanity.
Mini:	well..u will be surprised to know.. that 70% of the educated clan in our present society belong to this community.. I read that in some survey conducted recently..by a women NGO out here in Bangalore so if girls do go for rich guys..the society has a lot to blame for it..
Me:	different surveys say different things. I don't give them a damn. So, do U think gals are making a deal when they marry and there's no real emotions like love involved?
! - 5 minutes' silence - !
Mini:	in an arranged marriage ..its just a deal..more often than not..love comes in a lot later.. and its not just girls who are involved in it right..so r the guys.. they too want the best deal. they are willing to sell themselves in the highest market.. its the girl and her family who has to make compromises..
Me:	Well, I don't think that guys of today's age take part in this trade willingly. They just don't dare to oppose their parents who are of old mentality and ask for dowry
Mini:	Since I am a girl and have seen many of my educated friends finding it hard to find an arranged match.. I know it is true. I have seen it happen..not once ..not twice..but all the time..
Me:	what .... guy asking a gal - how much do u earn?
Mini:	nope..its even worse... what they indirectly ask is.. how much is ur family willing to pay for me as a son in law?
Me:	It's actually - "How much are u willing to pay to get my son as Son in law?" it's dealt between parents.
Mini:	that is even worse.. u dont do the deal on ur own.. u make ur parents as middle men.. and give them commission on it.. and then say things like u want companionship.. i personally believe that most guys are hypocrites.. they laugh at others selling themselves in the marriage market.. and do the same when their turn comes
Me:	NO - u r missing the point. Guys like me at least loath this ugly tradition as much as the gal does. It's like standing in mid market, with a price tag attached to ourselves, and people bidding on us.
Mini:	yeah so u see... dont blame the girls who look for maoney..guys are no different.. its again not to do with girls alone.. its general human mentality
Me:	I'm saying "GUYS TODAY DON'T LIKE IT". It's the parents who are indulging in it.
Mini:	guys who say so are hypocrites.. no one including parents can sell u off without ur consent once u r an adult
Me:	then I must say U don't understand what 'being in a family' means?
Mini:	and usually in case of girls as well.. its the family who goes searching for the rich guy.. it is imbibed into them from childhood itself.. so again..it is not gender specific..its specific to the entire human race the family pressure is more for girls than the guys.. often girls find themselves in compromising positions,, and are helpless.. need to do things for the family well..I think I should break the gender war here..
Me:	Ok, sure. It's hotting up unnecessarily.
Mini:	just want to say that, instead of closing ur mind towards the female community, try to open up and think of things from their perspective.. it will give u very good insights on why they act the way they do and sorry if I was :@ rude..

Wow. :o . What a roller coaster ride it has been. The chat script above is just an excerpt. We discussed this for almost couple of hours. Later on, our convo revolved around another major issue in today's social life. Maybe I'll write about it next week. It felt nice to converse with someone who's this much composed and clear headed. That's the power of blogs. U get to experience different views, that might change your outlook. What started as discussion on College Romance - gradually engulfed marriage, dowry, society and what not? Great talking to her. Well, she didn't leave any contact info and said "I'll talk to u here". That way, she can contact me whenever she wants but not the other way around. Not fare. :(

Guess I'll get lot more reaction from several others in the coming days. Looking forward to it.

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Ria:	Good Morning. Nice Blog. what U've written is very true.
Me:	Good morning. Thnx. :) I know. that's y I've written it. :)
Ria:	hehe. bt one thng was wrong! how can u say... girls like only bad guys...??
Me:	well, all the gals i've come across - they prefer strong 'bad' boys who can give them sense of security from romeos on road.
Ria:	how can a bad guy give protection .. kinda contradicting... dnt u thnk so!
Me:	See - nobody would like to eve-teas them, as they won't like to mess with the strong built 'bad' boy. then the gal could flaunt everywhere - "If u harass me, my boyfriend will break your bones".
Ria:	jst for the sake of protection..how can a gal fall for a bad guy.... ths is sick.. common now..dnt tell me..tht evry time a gal walks out n guys start eve teasing.. it does happen..bt nt always
Me:	It's kind of gal psychology yaar. Sober is boring. "Bad Boys" is like a craze for them.
Ria:	i dnt thnk so..nt all gals r same.. i mst say..u hve always come across wrong types of gals thn..!!
Me:	I agree that all girls are not the same. but most are like this only. would U date somebody who won't spend money on u? or who is not physically strong built?
Ria:	trust me... i would nvr do tht..i kno u ll nt..bt this is the truth only for money...no ways common now there is hardly any guy who is nt strongly built.. n der is diiff between being strong and bad... n yes all strong guys r nt bad..
Me:	Know this - any strong built guy - who is a bit handsome - has a certain amount of 'casanova' character in him. Just like gals. any beautiful gal knows that guys are following her - so she acts like miss world and fools around.
Ria:	yeah ... I agree bt i kno guys who r good..bt nt really casanovas bt u kno wht..y the hell u shud evr give imp to good lookn ppl... we hve bettr thngs to do in life... dnt u thnk so
Me:	well, yah. My point was just that - most of the gals talking about - "luv" - are just bogus.
Ria:	and i thought, ths is wht guys think...

Hhmmmm. Interesting conversation. Had couple of more such conversation with others. There's this guy who exclaimed "Dude, U r really genius". HeHe. Will possibly mention some more in the coming weeks. Stay tuned.

First one is Preety. Well, she is no less than Aki either, character wise. She's big time man-eater herself. Dated more than half of the hot shots of our batch and made out with at least a dozen. No one could hold onto her for more than half of a month. Only exception being her latest date - our Aki. It's being said now that she's finally serious for a steady relationship. But look - with whome..? All her past dates .... all they were madly in love with her but she never gave their feelings a damn, broke their hearts and fluttered to the next Victim when they were of no more use - physically or anyways. But now, she's serious about Aki and wants to marry him. But for our Aki - knowing all 'bout her past affairs - she's nothing more than a wh**e. He gives us vivid description of his 'quality time' with her and makes fun of her. It seems quite evident sometimes that she knows all these, but still she clings onto him.

Before preety, Aki was dating her friend Sweetu. She's a nice and friendly gal. She was aware of Aki's flamboyant image but still proposed him thinking 'my love will change him'. ( caution gals, that never happens). So, Aki took good care of this opportunity and they started seeing each other. Every alternate night, she slept with him and soon became entirely caught in the web. Then one fine day, Preety got interested in Aki and he shifted to the new babe. Sweetu was so shocked to realize that her best friend stole her boyfriend. But still she kept nagging Aki - 'feel my luv' - kind of emotions. When we were shifting our base from college at the end of our college term, she came to the station to see him off and pleaded 'give me one more chance'; while all others were laughing at her.

But before all these happened, there was this gal named Rehana. Honestly, I don't know much 'bout the kind and depth of relationship they had. All I know is that one day she got to know all about him, so he broke up with her. But Rehana still calls him up at least ten times a day. Aki abuses her verbally with each and every word she speaks, all in our presence with cell speaker on. But she never gives up. No matter how much he bad-mouths her, she calls up every day. She acts so pathetic, yaar; she acts like a slave, with no self respect. I wonder what Aki did to her that forces her to stoop to such level everyday.

Aki has shifted his base from Bangalore to another metro of India. Roping in another gal. The point I'm trying to convey here is that gals are not 'satisfied' with a nice n sober guy. They find spoilt and 'Macho' guy - who gives the world 'a damn', and 'f**k the law' is whose mantra, much more dependable.

yes girls do fall in love at first sight. not with you but your wallet.

They think they will provide them greater security as others won't mess with this guy - and evidently they have lotsa money which they can spend on her. And being the girlfriend of the 'Hot' guy gives them a high. So, there's no 'Dil ka mamla' as far as love of a girl is concerned. All they care about is bank balance and hotness quotient. As Dilawar puts it - "girls do fall in love at first sight. not with you but your wallet."

Lemme know what you think of this. And do you believe in Love @ 1st sight? Leave your comments. And cast your opinion on the poll on the left side.

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As early as in the 3rd standard, u see kids having crushes on each other. By the 6th n 7th stnd, there's plenty of sex talk among them. And if u r the 'happening kind' then there's lot of pressure to have someone by the time u're 12! If U don't have a crush, U don't fit in. This is specially true in big schools among kids from higher income groups, who are allowed to socialize, having relatively more freedom, more money and the facilities of a car n driver on call 24/7 to do so. Among the middle-class, where after-school interaction is limited, it manifests itself on a lesser level in the form of teasing.

Why do boys and girls feel compelled to have a mate at such an early age? It's apparently because they're maturing emotionally much more quickly than before and are exposed to media that hypes relationships. Children idolize stars and want to imitate them. Other reasons like the need for excitement, the need to have someone to attend socials and parties with, the need to seem 'popular', the need to have someone to boost one's self-esteem or enjoy attention from a source other than family are all valid in today's times. And even if the craving doesn't come from within, the pressure from both friends and foes, who respectively either push them into the dating scene or put them down for not being part of it, is immense.


The effects of such peer pressure can result in damage to the youngster's self-image. It especially effects young gals, who feel they don't look good enough to attract boyz. They feel the need to do something like coloring their hair or change the way they dress or look better. And although it doesn't often develop into a complex among guys, they do get a lot of flak from other boys, who may bully them, calling them 'pansy' or 'girlish' if they don't show they're 'macho' by dating a gal.

The solution....??? Well, I don't think going out and buying dating manuals like The Happy Hook-Up or reading advice on internet will help. But perhaps U could keep your eyes and mind open, as well as discuss peer pressure and importance of protecting one's individuality.