How I'd like to Die | 
Thursday, August 19, 2010
It was late in the evening. I was on my way to Forum mall, a bit of excitement n fear in my heart. After all, it was my long awaited day. I had asked her to meet me at the Forum, that too on a very short notice. I was standing at the Pizza Corner outlet and can see her across the road - waiting for me at the McDonald entrance. I pondered hard and long. Should I do it? What if ....!!
But the longer I thought 'bout it, the more hazy my mind was getting. There she was - looking at every possible corner from where I can emerge any moment. She was waiting for me - this feeling itself was giving me a high. Maybe it was for the last time. 'Let's do it' - I told myself.
"Hey - There u r. Wassup? Such a short notice..!!" That's what she chirped on seeing me. "Let's eat something first. I went all hungry waiting for U." McDonald 1st floor - "Sooo ... tell me ... what is it?". Some sound and light effects - thin smoke engulfed us and I can no longer see or hear anything; not even what I was saying.
When the environ settled, she was looking into my eyes with a piercing gaze. But it wasn't hurting. Just some pain traveled from her eye to mine. For ages we sat like that. Finally she rose, walked across the hall (...!!!), came really close to me and gave me a hug. Was I dreaming...? If I was, I never wanted to wake up. When she withdrew, it felt like my soul was leaving my body. She spoke - from across a ocean - "Ohhhh Bikram,,,, that's the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to me. But U know that I love ....." Again that damn fog descended. What's wrong with the weather?
"I understand. But .... I am sorry." with that she gave me a final hug and left me alone in the crowd. It was raining outside but she didn't care and rushed for an auto. For me, I always liked getting drenched in rain water. I saw her floating away - wanted so much to stop her - to hold onto her. But a piece of me was saying - 'Let go'. That sound was echoing in the distance. 'LET GO'.
But the longer I thought 'bout it, the more hazy my mind was getting. There she was - looking at every possible corner from where I can emerge any moment. She was waiting for me - this feeling itself was giving me a high. Maybe it was for the last time. 'Let's do it' - I told myself.
"Hey - There u r. Wassup? Such a short notice..!!" That's what she chirped on seeing me. "Let's eat something first. I went all hungry waiting for U." McDonald 1st floor - "Sooo ... tell me ... what is it?". Some sound and light effects - thin smoke engulfed us and I can no longer see or hear anything; not even what I was saying.
When the environ settled, she was looking into my eyes with a piercing gaze. But it wasn't hurting. Just some pain traveled from her eye to mine. For ages we sat like that. Finally she rose, walked across the hall (...!!!), came really close to me and gave me a hug. Was I dreaming...? If I was, I never wanted to wake up. When she withdrew, it felt like my soul was leaving my body. She spoke - from across a ocean - "Ohhhh Bikram,,,, that's the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to me. But U know that I love ....." Again that damn fog descended. What's wrong with the weather?
"I understand. But .... I am sorry." with that she gave me a final hug and left me alone in the crowd. It was raining outside but she didn't care and rushed for an auto. For me, I always liked getting drenched in rain water. I saw her floating away - wanted so much to stop her - to hold onto her. But a piece of me was saying - 'Let go'. That sound was echoing in the distance. 'LET GO'.
[ Continued in Full Post ]
That's the dream I saw last night. Woke up with a start. Tried to recapture what I went through there. And when everything came rushing back to me, the force of the pain was so grueling that wanted to get rid of it, but to no avail. When U can't fight the tide, it's better to flow with it. "How I would like to die?".
Hey, don't rush to a conclusion. I am not gonna die or kill myself for this. It's just a thought that I was having. Not many people get to choose the way they die. 'The End' da style. And if I were bestowed with this opportunity, I would like to breath my last in .....
We are on a seashore. Sun was setting in the distance, giving the water a mild reddish glow. My head resting on her lap. She's holding onto me like dear life. The only thing I could see is the ocean in her eyes. A thousand words, all that was left unsaid were being conveyed n felt in silence.
"I want u to know that I've always loved U" .
"U r the best thing that ever happened to me" .
"Promise me U'll be mine in next lifetime" .
A huge dew drop rolled out from her eyes and was slowly sliding on her cheeks. I tried to reach out - "please don't ...". but there was this huge block on me which won't let me move. Breathing was getting heavier and exhausting. She placed one of her palm on my cheeks and another over my heart. That felt so soothing and instantly calmed me down. It was time to leave. That dew drop was still sliding on her cheeks - noise of it's descend nulling the roar of the sea. It parted with her, dropped from the edge of her chin and was in mid air - and just moments before it was about to fall on my lips - the sun was down - "I'll be waiting."
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