The day was riddled with some more mess ups. We didn't get the tickets at Inox, so had to settle for Rex. Then CCD and Barista was house full. So, had to grab our cuppa coffee from 'Nescafe' outlet. McDonald's was canceled. :@ Anyways, even amidst all these blunders - the pretty little walks n talks are most memorable. Sometimes it seems many years have passed since that day. And sometimes, it seems to be just yesterday's story. What makes it more special is the fact that it's not gonna happen ever again. :k There can't be another '1st Time'. And, now that SS has moved to USA, there won't be a 'walk n talk'.

More Flashback

I remember my childhood B'days. Every morning after my B'days, I used to get up very early to see my gifts. Once I got a toy machine-gun. Another year, it was a wrist watch. I was so childish then to tell point blank - "Dad, this is a ladies watch." :( In my early teen, when I had my 1st crush, I called her up on my B'day to hear some nice words from her. :$ I never revealed my B'day in college [except for very close friends] fearing the 'birthday bumps' which is an ass kicking 'ritual'. So, the wishes I received on my B'day were always low. I really didn't care about that. All I cared about was that one call from Sowmya. Every B'day, I used to wait for her call. She used to call just out of courtsey - but who cared. I was blind. 4th n last year of college - we had a 'break-up'. So, no call from her. But that was compensated by Sneha bhabi's call. That was a funny day. And the '07 th was the most memorable as I told in last chapter.

Orkut Blues

Orkut was voted the 'Youth Icon 2007' and very aptly so. Nothing has gripped the nation as amazingly as Orkut. [mmm, maybe except for cellphones]. There's never a day when I don't check my scrapbook. [mmmm, :p except for weekends when I usually don't have net access]. One very useful feature of this Orkut was the B'day notifier. Even if you forget your friends' B'day, it's displayed on your homepage. So, you save yourself from the embarrassing 'Sorry I forgot / missed' situation. Orkut was a real helper in this regard.

But today, I'm a little angry on this same feature. Whenever someone is wishing me 'Happy Birthday' - I can't help thinking - did they really remember my B'day or did they saw it on Orkut? Surely more n more wishes are pouring in, thnx to Orkut. I love receiving calls n msgs n stuff. So, not complaining about Orkut there. But the feeling of - 'did they really remember?' is a spoil sport. :(

Maybe I'm being a little hypocrite. Orkut B'day notification is good when it aids me and is bad when it helps others on my B'day....!! That's not fare, is it? I myself can't remember all my friends' B'days. But I do try to catch up with these. Like the last time I posted this B'day Countdown and this one. And they are not just my 'near n dear' friends. Some of them are just acquaintances. Still, I just try to make their B'day a little more special for them in my own little way. And, the word here is not Orkut.

Early Wishes

1st call I received was from Sis - dot at midnight. Bro missed. Got call from home this morning. Another call at night was from Rajan. SS did call this morning. That was a pleasant surprise. My 1st international call. :) I thought she might've forgot. But she didn't. Talked to her after almost half a year. Orkut scrapbook is seeing a constant flow of 'wish' scraps at regular interval. Ria sent a lovely mail - where she wrote a poem for me. So nice. And oh, Sneha called. She couldn't keep her promise on New Year's. But she did manage to call this time.

The Lunch

This was a big disappointment. All but one of my friends in office are in night shift today. So, the grand lunch party was ruled out. And the only one in office preferred to lunch with DC gang. Well, he isn't aware of my B'day. Probably he hasn't logged into Orkut till now. But what difference does it make? He preferred my enemy over me. Great B'day gift, huh?

I had my lunch alone @ nearby Krishna Cafe. And what a lunch it was. When I asked for the menu, the waiter looked at me in such a way as if I've violated his religion. I had to settle for shitty south Indian meal. That too, at double the usual cost. Crap.

Rest of Office-Time

Rest of the day in office was pretty gloomy. Nothing much to do and nothing special happened. Around snack-time, the 'news' broke in the team, via Orkut. That's when some team-mates wished me 'happy Birthday'. Nothing much after that. Am now just wrapping up work here. Will fetch a cake on my way home. A little party at home.

Rest of the Day

I couldn't fetch a cake on my way back home. But my room-mates managed to find one. I had ordered pizzas for everyone. So, there was a little cake-cutting ceremony, followed by pizza hogging. Got a nice snazzy diary as a gift, a very apt gift for me. If you donno, I write diary since my school days. They are a real stress buster and your closest friend when U really need a shoulder. U can say - this blog is my online diary. :)

Anyways, we then watched 'Evan Almighty'; so-so movie. Sneha had sent some beautiful msgs, to wish me for the last time for the day. A big party is waiting this weekend, when all my friends will be free. For the time being, that was the wrap-up of my B'day.

Sum it all up

So, all in all, how was the day? If numbers are anything to go by, this year I received the most number of wishes. But still there's a hollow feeling. Didn't get a call from dad. :( And even Ria was offline whole day. Couldn't reach her even for a second. :k Didn't have her number, else I would've called her. And most of the day I was gloomy. So, to sum it all up, it wasn't that good a B'day. '07 is still the best.

OK, 2nd thing. Last night I designed [redesigned actually] an 'About Me' page for my blogs. The last one was outdated now. So, needed to revamp it with latest infos. The page is now done and is awaiting approval. Actually, I've used background graphics from another site. So, have sent a 'request for approval' mail to them. Once it is approved, U'll get to c it and appreciate it. [ I hope. :) ] Keep a watch here.

3rd news. My this site G@P v4.1 crashed again today. The CSS stylesheet, which is hosted at googlepages was unable to load, again, due to allocated bandwidth cross. Guess this site again got huge traffic, though google analytics didn't show any such surge as of then. Will check it tomorrow. Changed the site template to point to the backup files. Anyways, the main template was up again in an hour. So, everything is back to normal now.

4th news. 3 out of 5 of my blogs had their post count as 25, all on the same day. Didn't see it all day long. Just after posting the final post on Vlog, did I see it. Amazing news, huh? Check the 'Silver Jubilee' posts of these 3 blogs :-

• iWizard : Blogger Hacked?
• Vicky @ Work : Since I don't have U.
• Vlog : Best of the Best

Ok, that'd be all for now. It's too late in office. Catch U tomorrow. Take care.

SS was anyway genuinely worried 'bout me. For once, I was loosing her and also my beloved. She was constantly telling me to express my feelings to this gal. Her logic –

SS:	See itz nothing wrong to develop feelings for someone. Just go tell her. Itz imp for u to let her know ur feelings towards her. What if she feels happy? understands and respects ur feeling? prolly she will give u a friendly hug and say I understand :)

[ Read rest of the chat script in the upcoming PDF version ]

At times, I feel really very weak at my knees. When SS keeps pressing me to express my feelings, I feel like letting it out. What’s gonna happen? She'll avoid me? She's leaving me forever anyway. And even before that we're not really romancing. So why am I burning myself like this? Just tell her what I feel for her. SS makes me believe that she won't take it badly. But still there's this 1% fear of loosing what I already have with her - our precious bond, our special relation. No matter how much understanding she is - no matter how much she appreciates my feelings now - once I tell her the truth - there'll be always a certain / huge uneasiness between us. Our care free attitude will take a blow. And that will hurt more.

There’s another instance when she made me vulnerable. 1st July. That day I had a terrible argument with my roomie and was boiling like anything. So asked SS if she'll be awake till midnight so that I can chat and vent out. Around midnight she msged - "OK I'm here to listen. waiting". that itself melted me. So nice of her. I kept on ranting about all my frustration and she listened to all of it and kept comforting me. Then eventually there was this about how I'm suffocating myself by not expressing my feelings to that gal. This time she was giving me courage to look for hope in this fog. She said -

U know what? U love her immensely. True love.
I wish she could hear U.
Is she happy with her finance?
Some people just walk around as if they r happy, but still they have issues.
................
And she hasn't got married yet no? Go say. Ask her to read your posts.

All that she said were so SO provocative. For an instance I felt like calling her up then n there. But then, didn't want to create complications for her. All that SS said were filmy wishful thinking. She'll read my posts, feel the depths of my love, fall in love with me, break her engagement and marry me instead .... huh .... such things happen only in candy floss movies. Not real life.

all those feelings that she has been appreciating all along were for none other than herself

Everybody is an expert in giving advice. But it's only when they are thrust into a weird situation that they get perplexed. What if SS was really the one I loved? She has already read my posts. So, if I'd told her @ that very moment that It's U, how would've she reacted? Knowing that all those feelings that she has been appreciating all along were for none other than herself, will she still find them adorable? If can't expect SS, who I guess knows me so well, to fathom it properly - how can I pretend that she [one whom I do love ] will...?? So, it's better the way it is - buried. But SS was just being a supportive friend, like a strong pillar giving all the support it can to a collapsing house in a storm. What R friends for?

Anyway, I didn't start this doc to write about this gal but it's about me & SS. So, back to our story. Well, as it is with every young lady - the days between engagement and marriage are the most memorable days - full of excitement, compassion, fear and lotsa tender feelings .... blah blah blah. Don't ask me about it 'coz I haven't been through it personally till date. But have seen SS in this phase. She was so vibrant and yet vulnerable in those last few days. Used to cry a lot at the tiniest instance. She was worried about whether she'd be able to take proper care of AM and do justice to his endless love. I did my best to comfort her, but donno how much it helped. She was as brittle as always.

The day of her wedding was finally nearing rapidly. One day I saw her wedding invitation card on her blog. [ didn't receive any formal invitation though. ;) ] And then she called me up asking me to attend the wedding. "See if U can make it to the wedding". At that very moment, a previous convo that we had was playing in my mind. The night she had called me up after reading my post about her, she had said "I know U won't attend my wedding". We both were chuckling @ this, 'coz we both knew what she's saying is true. That was when she had promised last time to meet. She had said

"I suggest we'll meet sometime in July. Will treat U for everything - Job, Engagement and Wedding. I'll spend some time with you. I'm gonna miss all of U".

I didn't have high hopes on this ever. And as it turned out, she really didn't recall having said that ever. July just vanished from the calendar - just like that.

Anyways, finally it was 15th Aug, marking India's 60 years of Independence. But for me, more than that, the BIG day of my Best Friend SS. Texted her @ the stroke of midnight -

"Your voyage for a new life begins today. Wish U all the happiness in life".

Didn't call her up, not then - not ever after that. 'Coz now she wasn't just my friend. She was wife to someone. No matter how deep or pure other relations are, marriage does affect everything.

Didn't attend it physically, but kept imagining what could be possibly happening right now at the venue. The day after, a couple of visibly insignificant SMSs were exchanged. But well, those were possibly the last words we ever exchange. So, wouldn't delete them from my cell ever. She's leaving for US on 5th Sep. Unlike SS, who has a very poor short term memory, I remember such dates almost perfectly. I don't need it to be 1st May or 15th Aug. HeHe. Just teasing her.

Epilogue

It's been just a bit more than one year of knowing her. Met her JUST once and spent a lifetime [ or was it just a few fraction of seconds ] with her. She knows me more than any leaving soul on this planet. And I've seen all UPs and DOWNs of her life. Seen the little kid in her heart who helplessly craves for mom, finds delight in moonlit nights, gets frightened by cats, tries to catch butterflies. And yet sometimes, it's she only who's an adolescent lady - one who falls for a unknown voice over the telephone, finds kindling romanticism in getting drenched in rain, gets jealous of others falling in love but not her. Sometimes she is more mature than her age - raising her voice against the social evils - eve-teasing and all.

And above all, being the sweetest friend to me. The best thing that ever happened to me.

When she must - she stood her ground. At her weaker moments - she's as fragile as a newborn baby. Have seen her go through the turmoils of Apara - Infy - and Accenture. Been there when she was having a hard time with mounting pressure to get married. Seen her switching to arranged marriage clan. Seen her chirping like a humming bird, crying like a bereaved child, fighting like a warrior - facing the world with panache. And above all, being the sweetest friend to me. The best thing that ever happened to me.

And ya, the fear of loosing this sweetest friend is still there. I won't get to hear her voice - ever. She's gonna move to some US city and maybe only GTalk will be our mode of communication - that too for a limited period due to time differences. And even this communication is gonna die down soon after that. Life will always seem incomplete and in wait, just as this little diary of mine is.

I know U will, but still, can't resist the temptation of saying this to U AM. "Take care of Her".

One dear friend that I got after so long was again going to disappear.

Guess I didn’t respond nicely to her BIG news. That’s when she got this idea that I’m not OK with this event and that I might be in love with her. She kind of expressed this assumption when one day she asked me if I’d create a website for her ‘even after knowing what it’s about'? She wanted me to design a site for her and AM, how they clicked n all. I’d have loved to do that. But the way she asked it – I kind of felt weak. It wasn’t love. I have met her just once and now she was going to be married to someone. So, there was no love as she had presumed. But there was surely this feeling that she’s going away. One dear friend that I got after so long was again going to disappear. That made me kind of hollow and I was in a state of daze. And SS assumed this ‘sadness’ of mine to be my ‘broken heart’.

In those days, she tried to ‘mend my heart’. She was sweet. It was so nice of her that she cared, but bit of disheartening to see that she didn’t understand me. Just before her engagement, she asked me –

SS:	u don wanna know about my guy? Can u make it for engagement?
Me:	don think so. Am planning to go to college this Sunday.
SS:	how about Tuesday?
Me:	sun, mon, tue - 3days I’ll be there.
SS:	ok fine

[ 54 minutes’ silence ]
[ Read rest of the chat script in the upcoming PDF version ]

And after the engagement: -

SS:	hello how r u? r u angry with me?
Me:	Hi. not so good. Why would I be?
SS:	u didn’t come for my engagement...!!
Me:	I didn't come to office either. Man, I’m in pain. Back pain.
SS:	I still sense that something is wrong.

[ after a long pause ]
[ Read rest of the chat script in the upcoming PDF version ]

And later: -

Me:	I guess I’ve got lots to tell U.
SS:	temme no. temme I’m here to listen. Just let it out. U will feel goood.
Me:	honestly, I donno what. Every morning wen I login to GTalk, i check if u r there or not. I think I'll tell u so many things if u r there.
SS:	:) nice. I look forward for u to come online too :) Tell no. shall I call?

[ Read rest of the chat script in the upcoming PDF version ]

I didn’t tell her anything as of then. Instead wrote a post about it on my blog. 1st few days, she was unaware of it. Later AM pointed this to her. And when she finally read it, she was all so senti about it.

"I just felt like talking to u after reading it."

Towards the eve, she sent a reply mail. Our 1st mail communication since we moved to Bangalore. She had answered to some of my points and countered some. I was just staring @ the screen for some time. She accepted that she did think that I’m in love with her.

“Yes, I thought something like that only. When I told you about my engagement you didn't even ask me any question as though it doesn't matter to you!”

And she had tried to assure me that

“We will always be in touch. I will call you from there. I am always there to listen to you”.

I couldn't reply to it in time due to the disconnection of gmail. was that for good? 'coz she called me up @ 2030hrs and again @ 2100 hrs. she was answering the mail again and was saying "I love him and he loves me more"... and so on. And I didn't feel that bad about it. Talked to her for about 22 mins, most of the time just listening. At the end of it, I was really so happy for her, she made me all smiles.
To be Continued. Read rest of the series here

Our friendship was no less than a Bollywood flick either. It all started a year ago, during my 4th n final year in College. Can you believe that..? All these years we've been studying under same roof and not known each other...!! Well, technically there are couple of mistakes in the last sentence. My class was on 2F - 2nd floor while her was on GF - ground floor. So, technically not under the same roof. ;) And although she didn't know me, I was aware of this chasmis [not the Einstein, but Naina kind] bubbly gal. Had seen her here n there in campus and known her name through friends in her class. But never talked to her or saw her more than a few secs. She was always mobile.

We first struck up @ Orkut. A few scrap exchanges and I had shifted to Bangalore, as the college term was over. Those were some awful days. Sowmya was getting married and I was struggling in Bangalore to get a job. Only thing that was like breeze of fresh air back then was SS.

My 1st letter to her was on 29th June when I was back in shimoga to wrap up some pending formalities. Now I'm not a Subodh of Dil Chahta Hai who keeps clinging to his calender. I can point the date 'coz I just went through my saved mails and saw that. So, I was saying ke our bonding took time. I had asked her

"Hi Sweetu, Can I call u by that name; it's chhhooo chhweeeet"

to which she had replied

"Don't call me by Sweetu. I can't give you such leniency :p".

[Auw my Gaud....!!!!]. My flatmate Shekhar was her batch-mate and I guess she had this impression that I was like him only. well, that was then. Now I call her Shona and she's all sport for it.

Ok, back to some flash back. She was apprehensive at the start, as usual. She used to get alarmed too often. When I had asked

"Your cell no. is same or changed?"

she had replied

"I never remember having given you my cell number".

Hey, I wasn't tricking her into giving me her number. I really already had her number. And even today she doesn't know how. :D

Anyways, she was helping me to get over my grief for Sowmya and also assisting me in my job hunt. She still hadn't told me her nickname, so I coined 'Tube Light' for her. She used to fathom things a bit slowly. Once I wrote a mail to her in which I was sounding like a poster praising itself boasting of my achievements in college. She got it all wrong and wrote me a long consoling mail, describing her long struggle for job. Well, that was so cute of her. It did make me forget my worries and as a bonus, I got to know more 'bout her.

It wasn't all smooth sailing though. There was a time when it felt like downpour. One day she SMSed me about a guy who's disturbing her too much.

"He keeps msging me and tells me even trivial things. Acts like a chipku. I can see he's trying to get close which I'm not liking."

That was the biggest shocker for me. All that she described somehow matched me. Though she kept saying "it's someone else", I had this intuition that she was referring to me - subtle indication - and was immensely disheartened to realize that she thinks of me that way. I stopped communicating with her altogether.

She, possibly unaware of what she had done to me, continued with her usual dose of SMSs and calls. And before long, it was impossible to remain angry with this innocent barbie. So we were back in talking terms. She kept asking me for a coffee meet. But I kept dodging her. Finally one day I agreed to take her to the movie KANK next weekend. That was supposed to be our 1st meet. All these months of knowing each other, we haven't met for a single second. So obviously I was excited. But a couple of days later, she wasn't so sure about going with 'just me' to movie. She said with an air of uncertainty that her family might keep her busy that weekend. And on Wednesday, she proposed to go for the movie along with her office gang. Such a turn off. I declined it outright.

Our first meet was thus delayed by a couple of months. It eventually happened on 1st week of Jan '07. My B'day - 7th Jan. It just gets better every year. This years was the best ever. For once, I was out of college, so didn't have to hide my B'day from others fearing B'day bums. Secondly, I had my money in my hands, so that I can celebrate my B'day the way I want - take friends to movie, throw party n stuff. That morning, I asked SS to join me for a movie @ Inox and she readily agreed. Another round of excitement. Meeting her for the 1st time, at last, that too on my B'day. That day was gonna be the best. When I saw her @ the entrance of Garuda Mall, waiting for me, I felt elated and for a moment it felt like as if some dream has come true. But, as usual with me, nothing went as planned. I had roped in two more friends of mine in this treat [ what d hell was i thinkin ...!! ], She was kind of displeased but didn't show it. All shows @ Inox were houseful, so we had to go for Rex. After that, instead of McDonald, went for CCD which was also packed. So had to settle for a Nescafe', where she found a leftover chewing gum stuck to her jeans. Brigade was too crowded to have a nice walk. When it was time to leave, I didn't drop her back to her home, which I could've. All in all, the day was different than what I thought of it. But still, The Best. 'Coz that was the only day that I spent time with her, face to face. We never met again. Within a week of our 1st & last meet, it has somehow dawned upon me.

Nonetheless, the following day - 8th Jan was no less dramatic. That was the most memorable chat session we ever had. When I look back at the chat script of that day and compare it with the reality of today, I wonder how much everything have changed. That day she had said

"I don't want arranged marriage. I'm tired of faking it all to impress my parents."

She was venting her anger against the rusty tradition with so much flare, and at times with childlike tantrums. In her angry mood too, she sounded so cute; and I felt like as if I was mending a sobbing kid demanding somethin. I was terribly worried 'bout her anyway. This kid, being forced to get married; just couldn't digest it. In few moments I was flaring up. Now I was venting my frustration against the age old traditions, arranged meets nd marriages and the 'Oh so HOLLY SAMAAZ'. Seeing me outburst, she kind of subdued and was just giving one linear comments after my 'pageful lecture'.

"Wow! u know elders so well.
I like ur view on this
exactly tht happened with me. u r very right
u will be a good parent for sure wow u understand parents so well!

So, gals - if U are looking for a 'good father' quality in your life partner, U know U've found one. :) SS can give U a certificate of that.

So, gals - if U are looking for a 'good father' quality in your life partner, U know U've found one.

After the debacle of her first arranged thingy, she was madly looking to find a guy of her liking. Some guy proposed to her, some butterfly naturalist sent her a letter, and there was some guy from orkut who had FWDed his proposal through his friend and she was considering it. Was she despo or what...!! I guess I shouldn't have said that to her. She lost her cool and told me

gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. [with exact that many 'o's. ] i don wanna talk to u for a while.

That was the 1st time she almost made me feel like crying. Almost, 'coz I was in office @ that time, and can't actually cry. God gracious.

Anyway, she did try to mend the damage. Pinged me after lunch time. But still wasn't herself. Our convo was lacking its warmth. So I said

Environ is hot here. guess AC is not working properly. ping me wen u want. c ya

The following day we were fighting about how we could say such things to each other. Strings of I guess, U don't understand me. followed. And then suddenly she was like

"we r fighting! omg! I'm fighting with someone after a long time."

What....!! She was chirping. It felt so kiddish. Whatever, fighting sometimes is good I guess, 'coz now none of us was angry on the other one.
To be Continued. Read part-2 here
This series is now available in PDF format. Check this post.